My brain hurts. I am looking around at the mess I have created, all the unfinished projects cluttered around me, the necessary never-ending paperwork of life, and all of the resources I have wasted by trying to hook onto every beckoning panacea with an open hand for my wallet.
It is all so meaningless, and yet I feel a desperation to finish all of it. I feel so alone in my life. I have been left unsupervised for way too long, and the freedom is closing in on me.
"Take my life, please!" I found myself silently screaming again just now.
In anguished humility I recognized my plea as a prayer that has been asked and answered a long time ago. My exhausted superannuated brain chugs and churns to do the math. Forty some years ago, this same brain, awash with teen angst and hormones, first cried out to God and was inexplicably drenched with peace that defied comprehension.
The title of this post slipped into my brain as a prayer of desperation cleverly disguised as a rant against the unfairness of it all, the eyes of my brain have once again been lifted from the inward self centered navel gazing up to the One who has received and answered that prayer with that same simple overwhelming peace.
This has been a true and real time reality blog with no script, no re-enactments or post blog revision. I fought back the compulsion to go back and edit.
No comments:
Post a Comment