Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Confessions of  Professional Hypochondriac

I was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease at the ripe old age of 36. I consider that to be the step up from amateur hypochondriac status to the big 
leagues. I officially retired from gainful employment when I was 35. Unfortunately, disease collecting is not an Olympic event, and  there are no celebrity endorsements. Just a disability check from the CPP once a month.

My hypochondria started in grade school. I think I would miss half the school year with colds that would start with the first snowfall and would keep me streaming thick green snot until spring. 

Allergies, eczema, hives, and all sorts of tummy trouble rounded out my childhood disease collection. 

In my 20s, I moved on to more serious afflictions that would require lifetime prescriptions. Pernicious anemia is controllable with a B12 shot once a month. Hypothyroidism needs levothyroxine. But these were still in the minor leagues.

I dallied with Rheumatoid Arthritis for a couple of years, but thankfully that one didn't stick. I still take Arthrotec for what has been declassified as osteo arthritis in my hands and knees.

In my early 30s, I moved on to fibromyalgia, which has still not been undiagnosed, so I am assuming I still have it. 

All of these ailments have taken a backseat to Parkinson's. This diagnosis moved me up to the big leagues. It is a hypochondriac's dream diagnosis. With this one, I will never have to work again.

The preceding rant is just an example of my twisted sense of humour. It was not meant to make light or dark of any disease - this is just My Life with Parkinson's.

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